I have a notebook filled with music writing, it served as the precursor to this online endeavour, gradually petering out over the course of a few years as my internet content increased. One of my favourite semi-regular installments was reviewing either a notable album that I'd never heard before or (more rarely) something that I was familiar with but hadn't heard in many years. These reviews were usually written in real time as was listening. I haven't done one of these in over two years (Sleeper -- "Smart", which I had never heard except for the singles, and haven.t listened to since!), but as fortune would have it, I've stumbled across a bunch of albums that fit the "criteria", and have decided to resurrect the art of these "Second Opinion"/"Reviewed Massively Late After the Fact" pieces (I never could come up with a decent title for them).

The world wasn't exactly holding its breath waiting for a revisitation of this one. Many people in the same age group as me will remember this one, albeit begrudgingly so. Hold your groans, please:

MINIPOPS -- MINIPOPS Sure, let's get a bunch of preteen kids to sing popular hits! We can even dress them up like the artists they're covering -- yeah, it might be a bit weird to make eight-year olds dress like the Village People and sing gay anthems, but the kids who listen to the album won't understand that aspect of it, so don't worry about it! Ditto "Turning Japanese", reputedly about masturbation! And Madness fans won't mind that we're calling that band a "novelty" act, because actual Madness fans will never hear the record, so what they don't know can't hurt them!
[Hmm ... after writing this introduction, I found this link which provides some background and perspective. However, the tone is a bit too PTC for me, so take it for what you will.]

Joking aside, reviewing this record is a brave task on my part because I'm risking tarnishing some childhood memories if this album sucks. We had the record when growing up (when searching for this at my parents' home, I was surprised to find TWO copies, why we'd have two, I have no idea) but my strongest memory of it is hearing it constantly when on a road trip with my grandparents. It was one of the cassettes my grandfather had checked out of the library for the trip. My hunch is that we were in Florida at the time, which would put that trip in 1988 or 1989. Not only does that seem a bit late in the 80's for anyone to be listening to the Minipops, but I would have been at least fourteen at the time, making my enjoyment of the album preposterously uncool at that age. In any case, it's been at least fifteen years since I've heard this.

When it first came out in 1982, I recall knowing maybe half the songs beforehand. Blondie's (cover of) "Denis" was unknown to me at the time, and it remains one of my very favourite Blondie songs, mainly because of the introduction I received from this Minipops album.

Because there are so many medleys on this album, I can't possibly attempt a track-by-track breakdown in real time, so here is the tracklisting .

"Video Killed the Radio Star". By the time the 80's were over, I likely heard this version ten times more than the Buggles version. And the backing track is astonishingly similar to the original (big demerits, however, for the absence of the classical melody immediately following the line "they took the credit for your second symphony") until we hit the far too rockish-sounding drums in the chorus. OK, this is no match for the original but it KILLS the version by the Presidents of the USA.

Medley 1. "Japanese Boy" . I'm four minutes into this album, and I'm already getting emotional. This is such a wonderful, sad melody. Finally, we hit the cheesy-sounding portions of the record, the parts that make it abundantly clear that this is a novelty record sung by little kids. I don't want to hear anybody other than Mary Wells singing "My Guy". The inclusion of ska tunes on this album is also an unfortunate choice But all is forgiven once the medley ends as it began -- with the "Japanese Boy" reprise! I think I want a Japanese boy. Or girl.

ABBA Medley. In 1982, this was probably fair game (i.e. cover at will, go right ahead!), since ABBA were considered a fantastic pop group and nothing more. Nowadays, the band has been (rightfully) elevated to deity status, and the idea of a kiddie version of their hits cannot be considered anything other than hokey. Look at how embarrassing the A*Teens were. Anyhow, this medley passes by pleasantly until we reach "Waterloo" and "Dancing Queen". The latter is in the upper echelon of the Pop Pantheon, and should not be touched, covered, tampered with, remixes, remastered or rerecorded from now until the end of time. Let's pretend this isn't part of the medley. Fortunately, it gets the least amount of time allotted to it. "Waterloo", on the other hand, just sounds disjointed, as if they couldn't get the group of them to sing on cue.

Disco Medley. "YMCA" sounds screechy, with the boys singing in a crazily high register. That's fine though, because I never want to hear the original ever again. I'll settle for anything different. I've been listening to the Pet Shop Boys' "Pop Art" recently, and am smitten once again with their masterful cover of "Go West". How did they manage to convert the Village People's hedonism into a PSB funny/sad hybrid special? Anyhow, the production during this portion is pitifully poor and tinny late 70's/early 80's drum/synth fodder, which I suppose is the point considering what they are recording.

So there are about twenty songs on side one alone ... do kids really have such short attention spans. "Don't bore us, get to the chorus"? Did I have such a short attention span then? I doubt it, but I was a special child because my parents were so into disco back then and I was used to enduring ten-minute 12" versions of "Knock on Wood" and "You Make Me Feel Mighty Real". That must be why I like ambient and drone music so much today. Ten minute songs in childhood set me up for twenty minute-plus songs in adulthood, whereas those unfortunate kids who were accustomed only to fourty-five second snippets in medleys like these are only able to tolerate two minutes of Sum 41 until they become bored. Yes, I know I'm babbling here, but I have no choice because I'm avoiding comment on this Made For Karaoke at Pee-Wee's Playhouse version of "The Birdie Song".

Stupid Cupid. I thought the girl on the album cover credited with singing this song was mega-cute. What if those kids were just models and the kids who sang on the record were deformed, impish beings? That would really ruin my childhood memories. I mean, these were pre-Milli Vanilli days, right? There must be a video to provide evidence of this, doesn't the link I provided above allude to this?

Novelty Medley. The boy singing "The Green Door" turns in a gritty, determined performance, probably the best of the album thus far. Although it's overtaken almost immediately with the kids singing "Baggy Trousers" -- complete with dead-on accents! OK, it's not as impressive if they were British kids, but still. This is easily the best medley on this album thus far. I guess that's not such a surprise considering the album itself is a novelty.

Rock and Roll Medley. We have our first and only Phil Spector song ... I may have heard this song here first, also. Now what's wrong with this medley ... is it the stereo production? Am I that accustomed to hearing early rock and roll in lo-fi mono? I wonder how much money Lieber and Stoller saw from these twenty seconds of "Hound Dog"? Feh, this medley got tiresome fast after "When".

Blondie Medley. Yet another entry in the creepy sweepstakes, as a crew of young girls sing a song from a movie about a male prostitute! I can't complain about any of this, though, because I love these songs (awesome track selection, getting the then-recently massive "Call Me", along with the swooning "Sunday Girl", along with personal and UK fave "Denis" -- complete with the French verse! I don't remember that at all! Yes!!

I'm Gonna Knock on Your Door. Oh no, I have a feeling this tune will be stuck in my head for the rest of the night . ARRGGHH why did I just write that, it'll only prove to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Thanks to a gruff singing style (as gruff as the kid can possibly sound, anyway), this song has plenty of leather jacket cred and is a worthy choice for one of the three proper non-medley tracks. I say "proper" because I'm ignoring junk like "Can Can", of which I couldn.t see the point when I was eight years old, so I'll certainly not attempt to look for it now.

And that's all folks ... it's a short album (35 minutes), the song selection is still great after all these years (thank the ABBA and 70's revivals, in part), I could still get a rush from several tracks, there were no prolonged sucky periods and most importantly -- MY CHILDHOOD WASN'T RUINED! There might be money in a reality show-based Minipops revival, although there was something like it not long ago with that American Idol Jr. show, which flopped. I can't see myself wanting to revisit this album except for a bit of a laugh or a touch of nostalgia. Perhaps the biggest litmus test is this: I'm not even sure I'd feel the need to play it for my future kids. Unlike, say, the still brilliant and beyond awesome "Free To Be You and Me", which my kids will be forced to listen to ad nauseum, "Clockwork Orange"-style if I can help it. Kids or not, I continue to listen to that album from time to time and am always smitten with its timeless messages and the gorgeous singing from top to bottom (particularly from Diana Ross and of course, ex-football player Rosey Grier).