Sunday, May 27, 2007

American Idol Finale Diary

In the spirit of last year's showcase finale, I took notes as we counted down to Jordin's inevitable win. The singing finale, like all finales with the exception of season 2, was a major disappointment. Clay vs Ruben was great, not only because there was actual doubt as to who would win, but because they each performed three new songs (i.e. nothing they had already performed that season) and most importantly, none of them were introduced by an announcement that they were about to sing some grandiosely shitty ballad that was slated to be the new single. Blake was badly hurt by this year's rules -- not only did he have to sing a shitty ballad, but he didn't even get his *own* shitty ballad. Instead, he had to sing the same shitty ballad as Jordin, who excels at singing big shitty ballads. Jordin took him to school on the final song, sealing her victory beyond any possible doubt.

I say this every year, but I hate HATE when the judges drag out the whole "it's a singing competition" line. It's not a singing competition, it's a star-making competition, which is why Melinda didn't make the final, Haley stuck around weeks longer than she should have solely based on her looks, and ratings sank once Sanjaya was voted off because he was eccentric, unpredictable, and very different from any finalist they'd ever had. If it was a singing competition, then Blake wouldn't have made the final. He obviously did so based on his creativity and showmanship rather than purely on account of his voice (which is very good, but certainly not spectacular). After diverging into rock and country over the past two seasons, and away from the show's R&B and pop beginnings, Blake was the only truly "new" type of talent (unless Sanjaya counts), genre-wise, that AI produced this year. Why turn sour on that, during the finale no less? Maybe the show's producers know that they got lucky with Blake and figure that a turn to more "pure singing" is the way forward for the next couple of seasons. I don't know. In any case, Blake's only chance was to compete against Melinda and steal the youth vote from Jordin's elimination. Instead, Melinda was voted off, the "singers" vote obviously went to Jordin, and the youth vote was split. No contest.

1. Blake/Jordin, "I Saw Her Standing There". This is silly, fun, inoffensive goofiness, and is perfectly suited to Blake's puppy dog good looks. At this point, I thank the heavens that Melinda wasn't in the finale because then she would have been singing this with Blake instead of Jordin and I might have had to cut my own balls off due to the complete and utter unsexiness of it.

2. Gwen Stefani graces us with a "live" performance from her current tour. Who gives a flying fuck about this pointless self-promotion? Yes, her album is a hit, but she already had a whole week devoted to her and contributed almost zero in terms of useful guidance to the Idols.

3. Kelly Clarkson sings her new single "Never Again". Kelly really shouldn't do the "angry young bitch" act; she's too wholesome to pull it off properly and tends far too much toward shouting in live performance. "Since You Been Gone" was more playful and celebratory, but this sounds like something PJ Harvey would have sung circa 1993. Not to mention that this performance is a tuneless, screaming train wreck, the kind of thing that would have gotten Gina Glocksen voted off three weeks earlier she actually did.

4. Smokey Robinson and the top six guys ... hearing each of them (sans Blake) sing their solo bit only serves to emphasize how boring this collective bunch of guys turned out to be. No sooner than I can think "Smokey showed up and he's doing bloody 'Being With You'?!?!", they switch to "Tears of a Clown" with the guys doing Four Tops-ish dance moves in the back. The dancing reminded me of how my dad always says that he preferred the Temptations to the Four Tops because the latter group danced like a bunch of white guys, with really simple hand-waving and turn moves that any klutz could do. The whole medley here was passable enough though.

5. Blake, Doug E Fresh, "The Show". And here it is, actual hip hop making a spectacular debut on AI, probably for the first and last time. This, to borrow Randy's phrase, blew it out the mofo box and I might as well turn off the TV now because there wont' be anything better tonight. This is a good time as any to reiterate that Simon Cowell is a great talent critic but an iffy talent scout, having passed up (during the audition phases) Clay Aiken (doesn't look like a star, voice is too Broadway), Taylor Hicks (doesn't look like a star, don't like me no soul or blues), and Blake Lewis (too much reliance on beatboxing, it's a singing competition you see).

6. The top six girls perform their medley, and Melinda introduces Gladys Knight (fittingly, considering the similarities) for an ensemble take on "Midnight Train To Georgia". This was vastly more interesting than what the guys did more interesting than the guys did, principally because the girls were interesting this year, meaning there was actual anticipation involved in seeing the band put back together again. It doesn't hurt that everyone looks stylish and adorable, either.

7. As Ryan introduces Tony Bennett, do I spot Constantine Maroulis in the audience looking like a homeless guy shoveled into a suit? Bennett's voice has weakened a lot in the past ten year or so, but who cares, the dude is like 80 years old and is still captivating, romantic, luxurious, and when he needs to (like during the red hot finish) he can bring it on without breaking a sweat. For a moment, right before the coda of "For Once In My Life", I fear they'll bring in "old soul" Sanjaya to duet, but thankfully they don't. The only thing that could have made this cooler would have been Bennett borrowing the pseudo-smoking jacket that Randy is wearing tonight.

8. Melinda, BeBe and Ce Ce Winans, AKA the people she used to sing backup for who are now 1000x less famous than she is. We see that the Winans were good talent spotters and hired the right backup singer because these sorts of soul rave-ups are Melinda's bread and butter.

9. Carrie Underwood, "I'll Stand By You". You know, I think I liked Gina's version better from earlier in the season! Gina was undervalued this year -- it's not like she could have won but she was top five material. One of these years, AI is going to land a 19-year old brown-haired rocker chick who can do the Pat Benetar thing properly and it's going to be massive. Just try convincing me otherwise -- Avril Lavigne and the rest of the pop punk princesses aren't going away anytime soon. In the aftermath of this, Blake and Jordin win new cars, and Jordin's ugly pink and fuchsia striped dress lead me to think that she had a terrible ratio of ugly:decent or good dresses this year, maybe worse than any Idol contestant ever.

10. Clive Davis gives the State of the Idol Union Address. It justifies the overall theme for the evening, i.e. we make the stars now, so this year we're not going to rely so much on outside singing talent in order to stock our finale with big names. Chris Daughtry and Kat McPhee's are praised (Taylor Hicks, who he?), then they make up an award on the spot and present it to Carrie Underwood for selling a zillion albums, and Carrie's speech is all like "I'm not gonna waste more time here, let's move on with the show already, Blake and Jordin are nervous."

11. The African Children's Choir burn up the stage ... it's the next generation of Idol contestants!

12. Sanjaya is joined by Joe Perry in reprising his early-season version of "You Really Got Me". Amazingly, he's the only person from this season to sing solo tonight! Whatever your opinion of him, three years from now he might be the only guy anyone will remember from this season once Melinda returns to singing backup, Jordin vanishes a la Diana Digarmo to rid herself of some baby fat, and Blake's failed Ne-Yo produced single peaks at #24. Everyone will still remember that mohawk.

13. Green Day perform "Working Class Hero", from the upcoming Darfur charity album. I'm a bit surprised that ultraconservative FOX would allow Green Day to take the stage on their #1 show, but I guess it's easy to find common ground over John Lennon and the issue of Darfur. Actually, if the left and right can't find convergence over Darfur, then we're all fucked. Don't expect "Green Day week" on AI season seven, however.

14. Taylor Hicks belts out his single "Heaven Knows" and I guess asking for a jumpstart to his career is too much to ask. If Chris Daughtry can stoke the flames of angst rock's popularity (notice how he wears eye makeup now, just like Green Day, My Chemical Romance, and all the other cool rock kids) then why can't there be a Michael Macdonald revival? I know, that doesn't make any sense. The point, as always, is this: Chris Daughtry sucks.

15. Speaking of careers needing a jumpstart, here's Ruben Studdard to sing "You're All I Need To Get By" with Jordin. Ruben still has the big bubba soul brother thing going on, remains in fantastic voice, and overall does a great job of showing the good qualities that everyone saw in him in the first place. Unfortunately, his look (the size, the suits) isn't MTV-friendly and his singles were such drab R&B fodder. Let this be a reminder to anyone who thinks Melinda Doolittle can sell records.

16. Bette Midler, "Wind Beneath My Wings". OK, so if she's taking over for Celine in Vegas and plans on charging several hundred dollars per ticket, then she didn't do herself any favours here, at least as the long-term health of her show is concerned. Her voice sounds tired and restrained, she simply can't make the vocals take off and soar and all the other flying metaphors that apply. On top of that, as is the case with pro wrestling, why give away something on free TV instead of making people pay big money for it on Pay Per View (or concert tickets)? And after these dismal results, who will want to pay that sort of money now? I guess there's always "The Rose" ...?

17. 17. Tonight's surprise mystery number is a "Sgt Peppers" medley featuring all the past Idol winners (except for Fantasia, who is duly occupied on Broadway. Joe Perry and Kelly Clarkson tackle the title track quite well, Taylor Hicks takes "A Day in the Life", Carrie Underwood (and the Idol girls choir) is surprisingly good on "She's Leaving Home", Ruben (and the Idol boys) sing "Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds" and we wrap with everyone doing "A Little Help From My Friends" in tonight's "epic booking" blowoff moment. Again, this cemented Clive Davis' "look at our legacy" speech, with the former Idol winner playing the parts of the big celebrities from last year's show. Regardless, I preferred last year's show. Former Idol contestants might sell millions in the real world, but this TV show isn't the real world, it's a place where ordinary people get boosted to megastar status. Viewers like watching the American Dream unfold before their eyes, that's why everyone watches. So when someone like Burt Bacharach appears and performs with the Idols, it's a "Pros vs Joes" moment, a WTF juxtaposition, an acknowledgement of "hey, the music business takes us seriously". Seeing former Idols perform with current Idols removes that shock element. I see the same Carrie Underwood back in the environment I most associate with her (the Idol stage), and somehow, that's a tough image to shake no matter how many records she sells. Plus there's absolutely no WTF reaction you can get from seeing Ruben performing with a 2007 Idol that compares to the unlikely duo of Mary J Blige and Elliot Yamin, or sitting with one's mouth agape as former sexpot Toni Braxton rubs herself on an uncomfortable Taylor Hicks while they sing about poverty.

18. 74 million is a LOT of votes, hey that's the third shot of Jerry Springer tonight, Jordin's parents fill David Hassellhoff's role, and we're out!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

American Idol: Final Three

There are always one or two weeks where something rotten is in the air and all the performers turn in subpar efforts. It's too bad that the most glaring example of this had to happen on such an important episode. Two weeks left, with all the chaff finally cleared out and sent home, leaving only the four Idols with a realistic chance of winning. Instead of stepping up, every one of them found a way to expose the limitations of their talents.

Melinda went Broadway, as always, and oversang everything in lieu of actually giving a crap about any of the songs. LaKisha's naive charm had been slowly morphing into arrogance as she started to buy into her stardom. Everyone associated with the show is on a major fame high right now, and they have a tendency to think that the fame is for real and can perpetuate once separated from the show. Poor LaKisha. In this case, she ignored Barry Gibb's advice to sing "Stayin' Alive" in a higher key and it turned out to be a plodding mess. Simon was dead on about Jordin and her tendency to lapse into pageant-y, OTT glitz.

Nobody exposed himself worse than Blake, who, after a season filled with smart decisions and daring creative gambles, looked and sounded awful. Blake does two things well: 1) radical remakes of popular tunes (Bon Jovi), 2) straight-ahead, frills-free versions (Keane, Latin Week), using his boy-band-ready voice to add contemporary sheen to almost anything. Nowhere in this model for success is there room for a falsetto. Nowhere in this model for success is there room for throwing off random scratches and beatboxing noises just for shits and giggles, just to prove that he can.

The fact that he survived last week shows that his (young) fanbase is loyal, and he may or may not have actually been in the bottom two (the third straight week that we've learned nothing about the rankings, so he has as good a chance as any to vault himself into the final with a strong showing tonight.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Eurovision 2007

This was my first time watching the show live (or at all, for that matter), after all, it hasn't become part of Canadian consciousness for obvious reasons (although with the immense popularity of the North American "Idol" franchise, maybe this will change). I have therefore discovered for myself what everyone else in Europe already knew. For starters, I felt like I was watching a Miss World pageant more than anything associated with music, right down to the elevated sense of importance (come on, NOBODY truly believes that these are the BEST songs these countries have to offer), kitschy glitz, and C-list celebrities. The Miss World pageant retains a huge fanbase in the Far East, substitute "Far East" with "Former Eastern Bloc countries" and you have the Eurovision song contest.

The voting patterns are dominated by nationalistic connections or lack thereof, and I was surprised to see which former adversaries have decided to forgive and forget, at least for the purposes of this competition. I was a bit surprised to see all the former Yugoslavian republics voting for each other en masse, having seemingly forgiven each other for their past civil wars, whereas the hometown Finns booed every mention of Russia, having seemingly NOT forgotten the Mannerheim line. Mass hatred was in effect, as it has been for the past few years of the competition, for the "big four" countries (France, Germany, Spain, UK), who have received automatic byes to the final since 2000 and are likely resented for it. Not the mention the whole "screw those guys for being puppeteers with the entire EU" thing. To borrow a phrase once used about the New York Yankees, voting for the Big Four must be the Eurovision equivalent of voting for General Motors. Much love was spread by the largest immigrant minorities within countries (i.e. Germany giving 12 points to Turkey, Israeli top marks going to Russia, Ukraine and Belarus), and the Eastern Bloc nations furiously pimped each other's songs, leading to an eastern domination of the standings as never seen before.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to catch all of the semi-final or the finals, but from what I saw, Russia was the clear winner. Of course, I'm a sucker for Tatu-inspired pop with hot Russian girls in black suits. Georgia used a similar blueprint, with a thumping techno-dance track that was among the strongest tunes in the competition, but got very little respect from the voters. Ukraine cornered the market on weirdness, with more silver lame and oversized eyewear this side of a 1970's Elton John concert, and nearly won the crown purely based on spectacle. Sweden thought that the world needed a reincarnation of the Darkness with visuals straight from a Hives video, and they were completely wrong in that respect. The Irish were participating in a completely different competition from everyone else, giving high marks to the most traditional/folk-sounding tracks in the contest (e.g. Lithuania) as well as keeping thing traditional with their own contribution. These songs were completely ignored by virtually every other country. I couldn't help but feel a little bad for the UK, who pulled out all the stops with a wannabe-crowd pleasing dance paean to international flight and friendliness (almost like the second coming of Danish pop stars Aqua), only to get absolutely no respect (or votes) from any countries other than Iceland and Ireland.

Solely based on sticking power, the only song whose tune remained in my head long after the semifinals (and finals) were over was Turkey's entry "Shake It Up Sweetheart". That says a lot more about the inane catchiness of the song rather than any interesting songcraft in the song itself, but I suppose that's the whole point in a competition like Eurovision, so kudos to Kenan Doğulu for that. As for the champion Serbs, I'm not too sure what propelled them to the top, besides the Eastern and ex-Yugoslavian voting bloc that operated somewhat independently from the competition itself. Voters that wanted substance over style, grit over showmanship, passionate lyrics over passionate costume design, must have been drawn to Marija Šerifović's "Prayer".

For a fine example of the cultural differences between Europe and the America's, look no further than the "controversy" over this year's Israeli entry, "Push the Button" by Teapacks. Despite a catchy chorus, multilingual lyrics, and totally bonkers performance filled with energy and crazy costumes, the song didn't even come close to making the finals. What about politics, you ask? Israel didn't have a great year in terms of international accolades, but 1998 was no banner year for Israeli international diplomacy either, and yet Europeans had no issue in voting Dana International's "Diva" into the champion's spot. To this day, the song is considered one of the most memorable in Eurovision history. Why? Well, Dana International received loads of pre-show publicity because she is a transsexual, which fed her pre-show hype and created the kind of notoriety that Europeans feel comfortable with. If a comparable situation arose in the United States, it would be a true controversy, with tons of special interest groups lobbying to have her banned from the competition. In Europe, they eat that stuff up with a spoon, which is why Ukraine's Verka Serduchka nearly won this year. But what do you have to do to risk getting banned in European circles? How about a song that makes light of the threat of nuclear war? Now *that's* a considered a controversy, because G-d forbid should Europe grow a set of balls and actually tackle a problem instead of feigning neutrality and hoping that it'll go away all by itself.

Of course, one could argue that politically-charged lyrics have no place in Eurovision at all, but there are precedents for such songs, such as Mariza Koch's "Panaghia Mou, Panaghia Mou" (Greece 1976, about the Turkish occupation of Cyprus, and Kojo's "Nuku pommiin" (Finland 1982, another song that makes light of the threat of nuclear war). These songs might have stirred some controversy and were not received well (Finland finished last in 1982), but they weren't banned, nor was their banning even considered. It's no surprise that yes, once again, Europeans expect Israelis to play by different rules than everyone else.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

American Idol: The Home Stretch

I had to read about the horrors of Sanjaya's unexpected departure while I was abroad, which significantly dampened my enthusiasm for this program. Operation Die Melinda Die now reaches full swing.

I was starting to like Phil and his Young Dad Done Good role, as the church-going working class guy who works hard and sings harder. However, you just can't get on stage and sing "I'm going down in a blaze of glory" when you've been on the bubble for several weeks and expect to get away with it. Now that LaKisha has developed a bit of an ego to go along with her inconsistent performances, I was sort of hoping that she'd head home instead of him. If nothing else, Phil carried the best shot of duplicating the "Elliot Yamin visits his hometown" moment and providing all of us with a good cry.

So it comes down, as expected, to Blake and the Divas. After his season-defining performance from last week, even the thickest of record executives have to be seeing money in Blake by this point. He can sing any style, he never has a bad week, and is an obviously gifted writer/arranger. And he's cute. And his presence on the show has led to the words "Ableton Live" being spoken on American Idol for the first and likely last time. I would normally get on the guy's case for using such an overplayed intro (the sound of dropping a needle on a record) but that's wholly original to 98% of the AI viewing audience (and I'm 99.5% sure that he knows it) so it's easily forgivable. Now what strategy must be used to ensure that he earns his spot as the rightful winner of the competition?

I sincerely believe that Melinda is one tongue-lashing away from going home. With Sanjaya gone, Jordin is gaining steam as the loveable underdog, with the added bonus being that she's really really good. Melinda still has the personality of a wet burlap sack with the body to match, so all it will take is one week of chopping her down to size, Daughtry-style, for her to be gone. Last week presented a great opportunity for it because she stunk up the joint trying to be a rock star (coming off like a bank teller stopping by the karaoke bar on the way home from work and getting dragged up on stage for some Bon Jovi after two or three cocktails). Tina Turner should be ashamed to have her good name compared to what we saw last week. You could hear Melinda straining on every note, trying to force breaks into every phrase in which to insert her usual melisma-pap. No Melinda, this is rock music, you don't get to practice your vocal calisthenics with this stuff. As off as Jordin was (BTW, how can someone who was weaned from birth on Bon Jovi music do such a poor job of song selection? There were a million power ballads she could have chosen.) at least she tried to alter her voice to better fit the style (and might have succeeded had it been in a more suitable key for her).

What happens now? It looks like LaKisha is next to walk, and then it's a question of who picks up her votes. I would imagine that Jordin and LaKisha's fans have a lot in common, appealing to younger viewers and people who like a bit of soul and grit in their singing, as opposed to Melinda's more refined style. We have no idea who was in the bottom three the past two weeks (well, besides Phil and Chris) so it's hard to tell who has the momentum right now. Oddly enough, I think Blake has his best chance against Melinda in the finals, so that he can pick up more of the youth vote in addition to his existing base ... assuming I'm right about Melinda losing out on the youth demographic. Best chance for him, heart attack city for me because I'll have a week of nightmares starring the words "YOUR new American Idol -- Melinda Doolittle".

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Thai Music

After spending only a couple of minutes in the rainforest in southern Thailand, I finally came to understand the endless fascinations that various sound composers have regarding field recordings. Various unseen insects were emitting a high pitched, persistent hiss ressembling water being forced through narrow, creaky pipes. It was coming from all directions, and it was LOUD, louder than any noise I'd ever heard a tree make. At the same time, I understood why field recordings are usually so damned boring. It's just not the same when you're sitting on a carpet with the lights out in your bedroom at home, and not in the sweaty jungle hearing these incredible quadrophonic noises coming from all around you. Nothing beats the effect of hearing those noises resonate between the trees in full surround sound, often at volumes so loud that they drown out conversations. You really have to be there, but it's just too tempting to try to capture those sounds and take them home in your back packet. But it's not possible. I also fell in love with what I heard and endlessly tried to record my own souvenirs -- walking between trees with my digital camera, attempting to track the origins of the sounds I heard, capturing the audio and video all the way. The results, naturally, amount to little other than Blair Witch-style stumbles and stares into unmoving greenery, with microphone hiss partly obscuring the full effects of what I was hearing (not to mention the crunch of the grass and leaves beneath my shoes). It's enough to trigger the full memories in my head, but doesn't come close to capturing the magic for anyone who has never heard it for themselves. In the rainforest, you don't need a watch to tell the time. You can do that just by paying attention to which creatures make themselves heard relative to the position of the sun. The hissing starts around midday, is eclipsed by the crickets about an hour before sundown, and further eclipsed by the frogs singing their multi-harmony rounds once darkness sets.

In the tourist-choked area of Khao San in Bangkok, it's easy to find a street vendor selling pirated CDs. Ditto for the shopping promenades in the south of the country, where Europeans (particularly Brits and Germans) are frequent visitors. Finding a disc with "Full Moon Party" or "Buddha Bar" in the title is as easy as closing your eyes and pointing. Same goes for locating any one of a million indistinguishable trance mixes or compilations. With a bit of effort, I was able to find vendors selling a healthy stock of decent techno or classic IDM -- Warp Records material, Fabriclive mixes, and so on. In the malls, the stores don't feel too different from Western shops, right down to the prominent placement of new albums by Hilary Duff and Gwen Stefani (rubbing shoulders with popular Asian acts).

I came across an album by His Majesty the King (Rama IX) -- on vinyl, no less! On top of currently being the longest-reigning monarch in the world, the Thai king is in fact a very accomplished musician whose compositions are widely known in Thailand (read more about him here). But would anyone dare write a bad review about the King? Or deny him radio airplay? I doubt that there's any need for payola when you're the king. What about booking studio time? I'd imagine it isn't a problem. It's truly good to be the king.