Grammy notebook. Show joined in progress (I don't have the stomach to watch the entire thing).
8:58. Oh Christ. Jon Stewart is the host.
8:59. Billy Joel and Tony Bennett. These guys look to be about the same age.
9:02. JS comments on the performance, saying "that's unbelievable" with all the emotion of a ten dollar hooker panting "oh yeah, right there". Then he insults Creed. All is forgiven.
9:08. Dave Koz, Natalie Cole and P. Diddy present Best Female Pop Vocal Performance. Talk about an unlikely threesome. Puffy's been relegated to being the token homie presenting this second-rate award while lumped in with two jazz artists. There is a G-d.
If they're going to play only three seconds of the nominated tunes, then why bother playing anything at all?
9:21. 5871 country and bluegrass artists do the "O Brother" thing. This reminds me of the Junos a couple of years back, when 3692 Canadian "urban" performers were packed into a five minute live montage. It's like "OK, we've taken care of *that* all in one shot, now let's return you to the important music".
9:23. What is that oversized Dixie Chick wearing? A curtain??
9:32. Alicia Keys + Joaquin Cortez + orchestra. This is the type of performance I like seeing at the Grammys -- a combination of performers and styles that we wouldn't normally see -- even if I can't see the big deal about AK for the life of me.
9:58. Best Country Song and Album aren't presented on the main show? Are they trying to avoid overlap with the proliferation of country music award shows?
10:03. Bob Dylan and his band perform in a dark corner. You don't need dancers, wildlife, and a stage the size of a football field to make an impact.
10:09. Mother of Pearl! "O Brother" wins for Best Album. I figured this was U2's to lose. The orchestra starts cutting off T-Bone Burnett's acceptance speech after about a minute. OH COME ON. It's the freaking ALBUM OF THE YEAR. One of these decades, the Grammys are bound to wake up and smell 1970, understand that albums drive the music business, realize that this is the most important award of the evening, and therefore start presenting it last.
10:21. Elvis Costello (rightly) points out that Song of the Year is a songwriters award. Of course, 1965 was 37 years ago, so all of the songwriters in this category are the artists themselves.
10:33. Awkwardly sandwiched between tributes is an anti-internet music downloading tirade by the Prez of the Recording Academy. It's so over the top that I figure he's being a bit tongue-in-cheek, until I peer deep into his eyes and see reflections of Shawn Fanning huddling for warmth in a damp cave next to Osama.
10:47. Outkast smash through "Ms. Jackson", a performance which recalls Beethovens' "Pastoral Symphony". Greenness and happy children playing in the background give way to darkness and storms which give way to redness, sunrise and rebirth. This should be Record of the Year in a fair and just world.
10:52. Nelly Furtado sings "I'm Like a Bird" accompanied by Steve Vai on solo guitar. Please reread my comment at 9:32 and reapply here.
11:03. Alan Jackson performs "Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?" with a giant video screen depicting blue skies and childrens' drawings -- plaintive pictures of burning skyscrapers and American flags. Simple, touching, tasteful, poignant, with no handwringing, patriotic gesticulating, or ex-presidents.
11:08. Jon Stewart ruins the moment with a shameful attempt at a ZZ Top / Taliban joke.
11:13. "So Fresh, So Clean" plays instead of "Ms. Jackson" when the Record of the Year nominees are announced. I predict that Outkast won't win this award.
11:14. "Walk On" wins. U2's worst ever single?
11:21. The finale. I fear excess.
11:25. No excess, just a rousing gospel medley. But you'd think that Al Greens' Lifetime Achievement distinction would earn him more that 45 seconds of solo airtime.
11:28. Show over. The gospel rave-up continues, the credits roll, and the audience does their best to look bored. G-d bless the Grammys?
