The Rolling Stone 500

 It's a big improvement on their 2003 list (which was slightly updated in 2012), but won't provoke any fewer arguments.  Lists like these mainly exist as content providers for barroom and chatroom arguments for obsessive music fans.  

The 2003/2012 list was hopelessly stuck in an outdated mindset from two generations previous.  23 out of the top 50 were released between 1965-1971.  Nearly all of them were by white male dominated rock bands.  Such a homogeneous canon isn't defensible in 2020 by any means.  The new list has 15 albums from those years, not all of which were in the previous group of 23, and it's a much more diverse group of artists.  

As for the top ten: 

"The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill".  This makes absolutely no sense.  We know that both artists/industry types as well as critics voted in this poll, but the scoring and weighting of votes was not revealed, nor were the individual ballots.  And you can't rule out any "editorial decisions" that would favour the optics of certain albums appearing in certain spots in the list, for example, the optics of having a female POC in the top ten of the poll. Would any serious fan or critic claim this as the greatest hip-hop album of all time?

"Blood on the Tracks".  This has emerged as the definitive Dylan album over the past twenty or so years of polls from any number of outlets.  Albums from the sixties were consistently overrated for decades.  Similarly, the seventies were underrated and the pendulum has now fully swung back the other way.  People prefer the more confessional, softer and personal albums of the seventies to their more bombastic counterparts from the sixties.  

"Purple Rain".  This was probably boosted by Prince's passing a few years ago, but who cares?  He was a genius, and how many eighties albums can claim to be more iconic than this? 

"Rumours".  My favourite album in this top ten.  Definitely deserving of its spot.  It jumped from #26 in the 2003 poll.

"Nevermind".  If any decade is underrated now, it's the nineties.  Hip hop is now well represented, but rock, electronic, and a myriad of other genres have been shunted to the far reaches of the list, if they even appear at all.  Nirvana at #6 is a safe and boring pick to represent this part of the decade, as nonchalant a pick as "Exile on Main Street" used to be on similar lists 25 years ago (or even eight years ago -- it was #7 on the last RS poll).  Of note from the nineties: "Loveless" at #73, "Parklife" and "Screamadelica" going back to back at #438 and #437 has got to be a rib on somebody, and stone cold classics from The Magnetic Fields and Yo La Tengo somehow fail to crack the top 400.   

"Abbey Road".  Everyone knows that "Sgt. Pepper's" isn't the best Beatles album in any conversation taking place after 1973 (although RS somehow still thought so in 2012).  So at least that's been fixed.  But who declared "Abbey Road" the best one?  Its reputation has been on the rise, sure enough.  In 2003/2012, it was at #14 -- behind FOUR other Beatles albums.  For me it's still "Revolver" or the White Album.  

"Songs in the Key of Life".  Incredibly, this wasn't even in top 50 in the previous poll (although "Innervisions" was #24.  I think Stevie's AOR run in the eighties undermined his work and made people forget just how edgy and ahead of the times (while being simultaneously of his time) he was in the seventies. It probably goes without saying that race had something to do with that.  White guitarists had their fine reputations frozen from the sixties onwards.  Notbody ever forgot what Eric Clapton or the Rolling Stones meant regardless of how much crap they released from 1975-1989.  

"Blue".  This pick might have surprised a lot of people, but in the past decade, it was #2 in RS' 50 greatest albums of all time by women, and #1 in a similar top 150 list by NPR.  I have no issues with this pick.  It's one of the most elegant albums ever made and I find new wondrous things to ponder in its lyrics with every listen.  

"Pet Sounds".  Better than the Beatles -- it's official!  Brian Wilson can finally die happy.  It's now "Pet Sounds" turn to be the sixties album that Everybody Can Agree On.  

"What's Going On".  In much the same way that Springsteen drifts in and out of critical consciousness depending on the politics of the time, we need Marvin Gaye's guidance right now. 

Meat Loaf, "Bat Out of Hell II"

The fifth in a series of albums that I haven't heard in over twenty years ... 

The 90's were unique in that their mythology was often well out of step with the reality, more so I think than any other decade.  Everyone "knows" that the 60's were about Motown, soul, the Beatles and Stones.  And indeed, the charts reflected it.  Prevailing rock mythology hands the end of the decade over to the hippies and psychedelic bands, but the Billboard #1 hits of the time show that novelty songs and one hit wonder bands ("Sugar, Sugar", "In the Year 2525"), as well as jazz and easy listening acts (Hugh Masekela, Herb Alpert, Henry Mancini) were the real winners in those years.  But for the most part, the prevailing rock mythology of the 60's is correct.  

What about the early 90's?  It's true that Nirvana and Pearl Jam sold millions, but Whitney Houston's "The Bodyguard" and Garth Brooks sold millions more.  In 1993, Pearl Jam set a record for first week sales with "Vs", but the biggest rock star in the world was arguably a pudgy forty-something whose hadn't had a hit album since the 70's.  This made no sense even while it was happening, but it did happen.  "Vs" moved more units in the US, but "Bat Out of Hell II" made more of an impact worldwide.  Pearl Jam by that time were refusing to release videos, whereas Meat Loaf had the globe conquering smash hit song and video.  Game, set, and match.   

In a down period for Bruce Springsteen, Meatloaf and Jim Steinman strove to out-Boss the Boss and showed there was plenty of life in kitchen sink drama rock even in the cynical, slacker heavy 90's.  "It Just Won't Quit" borrows generously from Bruce's "Atlantic City", a fact that was lost on when this album was released. 

Any discussion of the album's flaws has to start with two things: it's length, and the character of its protagonist.  The original "Bat Out of Hell", released at the peak of the vinyl, FM-rock heavy era, clocks in a standard (for the time) 46 minutes.  "Bat Out of Hell II", released when vinyl was near its lowest ebb and cassettes were rapidly phasing out, took advantage of the added running time of CD and runs for a bloated 76 minutes.  Six of its eleven tracks run for seven minutes or longer.  Listening to it from start to finish is an endurance test, and unlike the original BOOH, these songs aren't multi-part mini-operas like "Paradise By the Dashboard Light" that are constantly shifting and refocusing the listener's attention.  Songs are stretched out via long intros and outros, through multiple repetitions of chantable choruses and inessential fourth and fifth verses.  There are a notable lack of ballads to mix up the tempos, and the rock numbers mostly churn along at the same mid-tempo pace.  It's never boring, it's just overly long and badly in need of a good editor.  

As for the character of Meat Loaf himself, on the first BOOH he was part naive horny teenager, and part motorcycle junkie in a fur lined apartment undergoing sensitivity training.  Who is he supposed to be on BOOH II?  Is "Life Is a Lemon and I Want My Money Back" an attempt to piggyback on 90's slacker culture, or is he an aging rebel revisiting poses from his youth?    Is "Everything Louder Than Everything Else" a rage against the dying embers of rock and roll hedonism, or an anti-war anthem?  Is it trying to be both?  Unfortunately, in trying to modernize the message, many songs come off as cloying and phony.

These are major flaws, and yet in many instances they scarcely matter because of one major ace in the hole:  Meatloaf's impeccable delivery and 100% commitment to his performance.  The full twelve minute version of "I'd Do Anything for Love" might have extraneous bridges and a million forgettable guitar solos, but the intro and outro still give me chills and the quiver in Meatloaf's voice absolutely sells me on the emotion every time.  "Objects in the Rear View Mirror ..." comes closest to the spirit of the original BOOH, a mini-symphony of loss, love, and escape. Next time you're confused about how this stuff managed to co-exist with most of 90's rock, just watch this video back to back with Guns 'N Roses' "November Rain" and you'll understand.