Annals of the Completely Unneccessary (Part One in an Infinite Part Series): Westlife

Exclusive! Live! Performance!! Their new single, tonight, on the Miss World 2006 telecast!

In fact, they got to perform two songs, meaning that in total, they were onstage for roughly twice as much time as the finalists in this pageant. But that's another matter, because thanks to the efforts of boy band svengali Louis Walsh (conveniently one of the pageant judges) their hard work and boundless popularity, we're treated to a world premiere performance of their new single, "The Rose".

Was the world clamouring for a cover of "The Rose"? Even the Backstreet Boys rocked out a bit on their most recent album, getting all gritty and dusty in the video for "Incomplete". But "The Rose"? Will the British public ever grow tired of shmaltzy ballads covered by boy bands? What's their next single, "Unchained Melody"? Oh hang on, Boyzone already went there in 1999, but I think there's a seven-year statute of limitations on this sort of thing. Once seven years have passed, pillage away. BTW, Westlife aren't looking so boyish these days, I suppose that's what happens when real life, i.e. kids, marriage, and coming out of the closet entrenches on a career of selling aural molasses to ten year old girls.

Yeah, their cover of "Mandy" was one of my favourite singles of 2003 ... what about it?

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Robin Gibb's sloppy performance at the very end of the show, singing "Jive Talkin'" as the credits rolled and the girls tried to get down and party in the most ladylike way possible. The sight of Gibb (easily the shortest person on stage), surrounded by international beauties, looking extremely distracted, warbling in and out of tune and rhythm, brought obvious comparisons to the man, the myth, the legend, Michael Sandecki -- far more so than any ressemblance to a member of a legendary chart-topping band (but let's face it, Robin Gibb is as relevant to the Bee Gees as the non-Joe Perry/Stephen Tyler members of Aerosmith).