Academy Awards 2006

Muzak/music piped into supermarkets is supposed to make people shop faster (and keep them happier while pushing those carts). This must be the rationale behind playing music during all Oscar acceptance speeches ... except that you don't have to concentrate on anything while in the supermarket. Even though 80% of these acceptance speeches aren't worth listening to anyhow, the gently lulling music in the background ensures that you're busy tearing your hair out instead of listening to whatever is being said.

Naturally, the best moments of the night were turned in by Three 6 Mafia. Win or lose, theirs was the first hip-hop performance in the history of the Academy Awards (Eminem won for "Lose Youself" but didn't perform at the ceremony). The. First. Ever. Yes, it's 2006, why do you ask? Do any non-hip-hop acts bring their A-games on soundtrack material anymore? George Clooney praised the progressiveness of the Academy by noting that Hattie McDaniel won for Best Supporting Actress in 1939 at a time when blacks still had to sit in designated seats in theatres in many parts of the county. It only took sixty-seven more years for a black hip-hop artist to perform at the Oscars and win. I've got no punchline here.

Three 6 Mafia's win was the first bit of genuine excitement of the night, a rare moment of unscripted emotion. Everyone else on stage was principally concerned with keeping their poise lest their heartbeat rise by three BPM and cause them to sweat off part of their spray-on tan (what's WITH those tonight?). Three 6 Mafia, fresh off their performance only minutes earlier, seemed nothing short of thrilled to have won.